Your Happiness Factor

Many people have trouble managing their anger. This post from Mind is for anyone who wants to learn how to deal with it in a constructive and healthy way Anger is a natural response to feeling attacked, injured or violated. It's part of being human; it's energy seeking expression. Our anger can be our friend. It helps us survive, giving us the strength to fight back or run away when attacked or faced with injustice.  In itself, it's neither good nor bad, but it can be frightening. Angry feelings can lead to destructive and violent behaviour, and so we tend to be frightened of anger. The way we are brought up, and our cultural background, will very much influence how we feel about expressing anger. You may have been punished for expressing it when you were small, or you may have witnessed your parents' or other adults' anger when it was out of control, destructive and terrifying. Or you may have been frightened by the strength of your own bad temp

(Photo credit: kalavinka ) Relationships – Who vacuums in your house? Isn’t it odd?  Most studies find, that although the number of working women continue to rise, it is still women who carry out most of the domestic chores. Now vacuuming, more than most other task, seems to cause most heat and not in a particularly nice way. Yes, men do vacuum but they seem to expect women to be grateful that they do! When you think about it, isn’t that a bit strange?  Yes, if both parties go out to work, it is great that they share tasks.  But why should one partner be more grateful than the other? In the kind of coaching I do (cognitive behavioural coaching) we have a concept of distorted thinking.  One of the most common distortions is around a core belief about “ Should, Musts, Have to's and Oughts”. We grow up with beliefs about other people and how they should behave. When they don’t, we get angry – this could be passive- aggressive anger or outright violence. We usually lear

  E motional intelligence (EQ) helps us interact with, and influence, others. The higher our emotional intelligence, the more like we are to be able to get on with others. In 1996 Daniel Goleman wrote his groundbreaking book " Emotional   Intelligence ". His exhaustive research had shown him that success in all parts of our lives is based more on our ability to handle   emotions   than on our intellectual capability or our physical strength. People with high Emotional Intelligence can understand emotions – their own and other people’s, They can make their emotions and their understanding help them to empathise with others, to understand them and to handle their emotions. For example, they are much less likely to be overwhelmed by someone bursting into tears, People with high EQ are generally open and pleasant to be around.  They tend to pick up and understand those little non-verbal messages we send with body language, posture and tone of voice. In

Be honest, be yourself.  Nothing erodes confidence more than trying to maintain a  facade! It is exhausting and might cost you the relationship when ( not if ) you get caught out! Play it straight.   Talk to each other and don't play games.  Speak up if something is bothering one of you - be kind and listen to each other.  Have confidence.  If you can believe in yourself you have much more chance of having a strong and confident relationship. If you are not confident then seek help - Confidence Coach at this link can help you . Together, layout the ground rules at the start. It is good to agree at the beginning how much time you plan to spend together and how you will make time to be with other friends and family.  Then stick to the agreement - no one should come back with recriminations.    Be gentle and affectionate. This is about being physically at ease with each other - no, I'm not talking about sex.  You should be able to touch each other easily and without f

  Sometimes, even in the best relationship, there comes a time when we want to say something critical.   Not everything can be perfect every time!   Sometimes things go wrong.   And sometimes, in your view, it is down to the other person.   You think it is something they can do something about.   So you want to tell them.   Here are some pointers to giving criticism but proceed with care. And remember, how you sound,  look and behave when you give the feedback often matters as much weight as the words you use.  But the words are important.   Here are the tips. Be sure of the facts !  Try to find out exactly what went wrong and why.  Be constructive! It should be about getting things right in the future not about trying to punish.  Be direct!   Get to the point and give the feedback in a simple, straight forward way. Be clear! Set out what you are criticizing, the change you want to see and why.  Comment on behaviour not the person. If you want to change the pe