Posts

Showing posts from 2011

10 Tips for a Confident Christmas

Image
For lots of us, Christmas is one the most stressful times in the year.  So here are some tips to lighten the load a little and to help you have at less troubled Christmas! Be realistic – Christmas represents a couple of days in 365.  Don’t expect everything to change just for this.  If you have friends and family that don’t get on well for most the year, then don’t expect Christmas to be different.  Things can go wrong any day – please don’t take it to heart!  If your Christmas is less than perfect you have not failed and you should not feel guilty.  You are having a Christmas just like the rest of us! Write a timetable - If you are responsible for managing the day or for cooking then write a time table – for example, 10 am – put turkey in oven.  Try to keep both the day and the cooking simple, if you can, and delegate some of the tasks.  If you have a family party, can you have a buffet lunch and ask people to bring a platter? Avoid touchy triggers - If you are u

Giving criticism confidently – 10 Tips

Image
  Sometimes, even in the best relationship, there comes a time when we want to say something critical.   Not everything can be perfect every time!   Sometimes things go wrong.   And sometimes, in your view, it is down to the other person.   You think it is something they can do something about.   So you want to tell them.   Here are some pointers to giving criticism but proceed with care. And remember, how you sound,  look and behave when you give the feedback often matters as much weight as the words you use.  But the words are important.   Here are the tips. Be sure of the facts !  Try to find out exactly what went wrong and why.  Be constructive! It should be about getting things right in the future not about trying to punish.  Be direct!   Get to the point and give the feedback in a simple, straight forward way. Be clear! Set out what you are criticizing, the change you want to see and why.  Comment on behaviour not the person. If you want to change the pe

6 Tips for Confident Networking

Image
Are you one of those rare (and very lucky ) people who enjoys networking?   Or are you like many others?   Do you arrive at a networking event, look around at the sea of faces, then find yourself barraged by a stream of doubts and uncertainties. Negative self talk tells you that you’re a fraud, everyone else in the room is just great.  There they are experienced business professionals at home in this environment.  While you are just pretending, you don’t really know what you are doing! And on top of you’re going to forget your speech, you won’t remember anyone else’s name and there is a very good chance you will forget your own! The “sensible” part of you tells you not to be so silly.  But there you are with these negative thoughts and anxieties in your head.  Relax and take a deep breath, then tell your brain it has more important things to think about!  No, you are not going to have a heart attack as you take the floor.  You’ve got this unde

The Resilient Mindset – don’t let a fixed mindset defeat you.

Image
" Don’t change – stay right where you are"! Nobody said change was easy.  Change is hard It is uncomfortable and risky.  That is why most of us don’t change until change is forced on us.  We don’t change; even when making a change could make a huge and positive difference for us and those about us.  Most of us have a mindset that favours staying put right where we are – a “fixed” mindset. And fixed mindsets lack resilience.  Standing still and staying where we are, can present far more danger and risk in the long term than making a change. Changing that mindset So how do you develop a resilient mindset? You need to learn to challenge your own thinking.  Your fixed mindset will chatter away in your head, if you let it.   It will fill your head with negativity and erode your confidence.  That nasty fixed mindset will tell you that even if you wanted to change, you can’t do it!   You’re not bright enough! You're not strong enough!  You don’t hav

Happiness is how we think! Part 1

Image
  Most of the time we don’t think about how we think!  We just do it. Thoughts seem to drift in and drift out again without much intervention from us. And most of the time we are happy that way! But sometimes our thoughts do not make us happy.  Negative thoughts can make us feel miserable and very unhappy.  Our thoughts may keep us awake at night and they can intrude into our days.  They can make us feel angry and sad.  Sometimes the thoughts in our head leave us with unpleasant and uncomfortable feelings about ourselves, the people about us and the world in general.      Our thoughts can mean we focus on the negative even when there is very strong evidence that we are, and everything about us is, basically OK. Over the next few posts here, we are going to explore some ways that we think negatively and how you might be able to make some changes. Here are my first three ways of thinking negatively; “overgeneralising”, “labelling” and “personal

Appreciate Before You Change

Image
   Appreciative Inquiry is an approach to change that focuses on the positive!  It works on the principle that what is good now that can be built on to achieve a vision for the future. When thinking about change people often focus on what is wrong now – what is deficient. This has been the traditional approach to change management Appreciative Inquiry, which has its roots in Positive Psychology , starts the other way round.  It looks at what is good and valuable now and then uses that as a foundation for moving forward. Once the basis is established you can then explore the future possibilities with much greater confidence. In all change, something will be lost, but with Appreciative Inquiry you work to make sure that much of what is good remains.  It allows people to honour the past and have confidence in the future! Appreciative Inquiry was developed as a tool for changing organizations but, as an approach, it works very well with people and teams.  It allows them to approac