Your Happiness Factor:celebrating happiness, prosperity, hearth and home, good health.

Friday, 30 March 2012

Emotional Intelligence and your relationships

Logo Connecting Emotional Intelligence 
Emotional intelligence (EQ) helps us interact with, and influence, others. The higher our emotional intelligence, the more like we are to be able to get on with others.

In 1996 Daniel Goleman wrote his groundbreaking book "Emotional Intelligence". His exhaustive research had shown him that success in all parts of our lives is based more on our ability to handle emotions than on our intellectual capability or our physical strength.

People with high Emotional Intelligence can understand emotions – their own and other people’s, They can make their emotions and their understanding help them to empathise with others, to understand them and to handle their emotions. For example, they are much less likely to be overwhelmed by someone bursting into tears,

People with high EQ are generally open and pleasant to be around.  They tend to pick up and understand those little non-verbal messages we send with body language, posture and tone of voice.

In his book, Daniel Goleman says, "People who cannot marshal some control over their emotional life fight battles that sabotage their ability for ...clear thought."

Our emotional skills have a direct and important bearing on our relationships with others. If we can understand our feelings, where they come from and how to properly express them we are more likely to maintain healthy family relationships and friendships. 

To sustain a relationship with someone else we need to be able to control our emotions, communicate our feelings in a constructive manner and understand their feelings. So how do we develop emotional intelligence?

We need to learn

  • To understand our own emotions.
  • To develop self-awareness 
  • To recognize and acknowledge feelings as they happen.
  • How to manage our emotions and not be constantly battling feelings of gloom and distress.
  • Emotional self-control and the ability to delay gratification.
  • To recognize and acknowledge emotions in others
  • To develop empathy.
  • To be attuned to what others want or need.
We need to develop our emotional intelligence so that we are capable of healthy relationships.
If you would like to know more about emotional intelligence and how it can help you at work as a manager go to our sister site  WiseWolf Talking– Leadership, Management, Career and Personal Development .  If you would like to know what emotional intelligence might mean for your job search go to WiseWolf Leaving the PublicSector
If you would like to read Dr Goleman’s book click on the picture link below.

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach.  She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career. You can email her at or ring ++44(0)2084610114 

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Be Self-Confident – Confidence and the Personal Development Mindset

A Black wattle (Acacia mearnsii) sappling
This post appeared first in the blog at our Personal Development Coaching Website

The second characteristic of a Personal Development Mindset  is self-confidence.

What is self confidence?

You are self-confident when you believe in you and your own abilities. It doesn’t mean that you always get things right. But when you don’t, you still think you are OK, you are not lacking or incomplete. It is the self-confidence that allows you to have a go at new things – you are OK and so you can try something new!  Self-confidence means you can integrate mind and body and focus on what you want to achieve.  You believe "I have the ability to do this"!

Self-confidence leads to success

Self-confidence is at the root of many other abilities and traits. If you do not have self-confidence, what you do will never be truly fulfilling. You won’t believe that any success you achieve was really down to you. And you may not have the confidence to try new things and new experiences. 

Self-confidence is the first step to progress, development, achievement and success! With self-confidence, you can venture out into the world and have adventures. Success builds on success and so strengthens your confidence further. Others tend to like, respect, believe and trust people who are self-confident and so more opportunities come your way.

What can you do to improve your self-confidence?

To improve your self-confidence, you can learn to;
  • Appreciate your own abilities and achievements.
  • Start to use a daily affirmation – “I am a strong, confident and decisive person”.
  • Spend five minutes every morning imaging your coming day with you strong and confident – make your picture very colorful.
  • Each evening spend a few minutes writing down the day’s achievements and the good things you have done – yes, everything, even smiling at that old lady in the supermarket.
  • Act and speak as if you are confident (practicing self confidence leads to self confidence).
  • Practice confident body language – standing straight and proud, and giving good eye contact
  • Practice speaking firmly and decisively
  • Help others just for the sake of helping. You will gradually gain more and more confidence as you focus on other people!.
  • Be active and enthusiastic. Lose yourself in your enthusiasm – don’t be afraid to be passionate and to show it.

Coaching for self-confidence

Don’t be afraid to work with a coach or counsellor.  Confidence plays such a big part in success in life, that it is really worth making an investment in you with coaching.  There are lots of good coaches around and you can find out more about the confidence program I provide at this link.

I wish you well and I wish you self-confidence.  I would love to hear about your results!

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach with an interest in management, leadership and in change - both personal (career and life out side of work) and within organizations. You can email her at or ring ++44(0)2084610114 

Thursday, 15 March 2012

Be Optimistic – Confidence and the Personal Development Mindset

English: Seedling Deutsch: Sämling
This post appeared first in the blog at our Personal Development Coaching Website

Optimists see Good around them – they focus on the positive!  That means the impact of negative things is very much reduced!

Pessimists – do just the opposite. They concentrate on negative events and so miss out on the full impact of lots of good things.

Research suggests that whether we are optimists or pessimists depends to some extent on our genetic make up – we are born with a tendency that way. But environment and how we grow up also plays a part.

Think about your own experience – as you were growing up, did those around see life in a negative or a positive way?  What effect do you think that had on you?  

But we know that on the whole optimists are happier and research suggests that they are also healthier and live longer. They appear to suffer less from depression and they recover more quickly from illness. Pessimism drains you and wears you out.  You feel just plain tired of all that negativity!

 But here is the good news!

You can train yourself to be an optimist and it is not that hard to do! If you are prepared to put in some time and effort, it is never too late to become an optimist.

The Optimism Pledge - Three Good Things A Day

Make a commitment that for the next two weeks you will make a list of three good things that have happened each day.

Start a journal today and arrange a date with yourself to sit quietly for 10 minutes each evening reflecting on the day and finding three good things that have happened.  They can be from the most simple to the most grand.

Once you have decided what they are, write a description and why you feel good about them.  Make your description colourful and feel the pleasure as you write!

Now you will understand what thinking positive feels like. Optimists think like this nearly all of the time but they do not realise that this is what they do.

You too can learn how to feel optimism, if you continue this exercise until you can do it without consciously thinking about.   For most people it takes about two weeks.

I wish you well and I wish you optimism.  I would love to hear about your results!

You can find out more about the Personal Development Mindset at this link

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach with an interest in management, leadership and in change - both personal (career and life out side of work) and within organizations. You can email her at this link or ring ++44(0)2084610114 

Thursday, 8 March 2012

Don't be shy! Overcoming Shyness!

SarguImage via Wikipedia
As my grandfather once said, "The secret of life is learning to make a fool of yourself gracefully." James Redfield "The Celestine Vision"

Shyness is sometimes known as social phobia or social anxiety disorder.  But whatever the name, lots of us know the feeling.

Shy people may only fear one specific kind of situation - say speaking in public.  But others may be troubled by a whole range of different situations. For example;
  • Having to perform  stage
  • Dealing with authority figures like doctors or headmasters
  • Eating and drinking in public
  • Writing an important and formal letter
  • Meeting up with the opposite sex and dating
  • Going to parties and other social events
Shy people feel sure that other people are going to judge them and find them lacking in some way.  They think they will feel embarrassed or humiliated and that others expect them to behave perfectly.  Shy people expect and look for negative reactions in others and often miss positive signs.

Where does shyness come from
The roots of shyness are complex – research suggests that partly it could be inherited, but then family behaviour and later negative experiences play a part. Shyness tends to begin in childhood or adolescence. According to the World Psychiatric Association (1995), roughly 40% of social phobias begin before the age of 10 and 95% start before the age of 20.

What can you do about it?
Well first of all you can overcome shyness!  Here are some things to try
  1. Start by building up your overall self confidence – there are lots of resources on-line to help you – here is a link to our own Confidence Coach
  2. Have a goal and a project to meet new people – try speaking to one new person each day at work or near your home.  
  3. Smile and show a real interest in the people you meet – you’d be surprised how grateful they will be.
  4. Start doing some voluntary work in your community, it is a great way to meet new people while you know you are doing something worthwhile for others.
  5. Use a relaxation technique when you are face with a situation that makes you anxious – you can find one here at this link.  
  6. Before each event that might be troublesome, form a picture in your mind of the occasion being a great success for you.  Make that picture really strong and colourful in your mind - hear the sounds, smell the coffee.  The more often you do this, the more successful it becomes. 
If these tips don’t work, then please consider working with a coach or therapist.  Please don’t let shyness limit your ability to be successful in life and to be happy.

If you have overcome shyness, please share your tips with others here in the form of comments.  We are wating to hear from you.
    I do my thing and you do your thing
    I am not in this world to live up to your expectations
    And you are not in this world to live up to mine
    You are you and I am I
    And if by chance we find each other
    It is beautiful
    Frederick Perls´ Gestalt prayer

Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach with an interest in leadership and in change - both personal (career and life out side of work) and within organizations. You can email her at this link or ring ++44(0)2084610114