Your Happiness Factor

This post appeared first in the blog at our Personal Development Coaching Website Optimists see Good around them – they focus on the positive!  That means the impact of negative things is very much reduced! Pessimists – do just the opposite. They concentrate on negative events and so miss out on the full impact of lots of good things. Research suggests that whether we are optimists or pessimists depends to some extent on our genetic make up – we are born with a tendency that way. But environment and how we grow up also plays a part. Think about your own experience – as you were growing up, did those around see life in a negative or a positive way?  What effect do you think that had on you?   But we know that on the whole optimists are happier and research suggests that they are also healthier and live longer. They appear to suffer less from depression and they recover more quickly from illness. Pessimism drains you and wears you out.  You feel just plain tired of

Image via Wikipedia As my grandfather once said, "The secret of life is learning to make a fool of yourself gracefully."  James Redfield  " The Celestine Vision" Shyness is sometimes known as social phobia or social anxiety disorder.  But whatever the name, lots of us know the feeling. Shy people may only fear one specific kind of situation - say speaking in public.  But others may be troubled by a whole range of different situations.  For example; Having to perform  stage Dealing with authority figures like doctors or headmasters Eating and drinking in public Writing an important and formal letter Meeting up with the opposite sex and dating Going to parties and other social events Shy people feel sure that other people are going to judge them and find them lacking in some way.  They think they will feel embarrassed or humiliated and that others expect them to behave perfectly.  Shy people expect and look for negat

Be honest, be yourself.  Nothing erodes confidence more than trying to maintain a  facade! It is exhausting and might cost you the relationship when ( not if ) you get caught out! Play it straight.   Talk to each other and don't play games.  Speak up if something is bothering one of you - be kind and listen to each other.  Have confidence.  If you can believe in yourself you have much more chance of having a strong and confident relationship. If you are not confident then seek help - Confidence Coach at this link can help you . Together, layout the ground rules at the start. It is good to agree at the beginning how much time you plan to spend together and how you will make time to be with other friends and family.  Then stick to the agreement - no one should come back with recriminations.    Be gentle and affectionate. This is about being physically at ease with each other - no, I'm not talking about sex.  You should be able to touch each other easily and without f

Image by Getty Images via @daylife If you are looking for work, one of the biggest obstacles can be your lack of confidence. A large part of confidence comes from what we believe about ourselves. And if you already lack confidence, losing a job can be shattering.  You can find a very honest discussion of how it can feel at this link . If, in your heart, you really don’t believe that you have the skills, knowledge and experience to do the job then it is going to be hard for you to convince an employer. But are you sure your fears are well founded? As well as that, you need to believe that you will have the communication and presentation skills necessary to get through an interview. Well, I can help you there.  So what do you do? Believing in your gifts At this link you will find some information about writing STAR stories. The STAR method means that for each signifcant achievement in your working life you set out the; ·          S  – Situation, the backg

Eye contact (Photo credit: Gabriela Sellart ) To be happy, we need to feel recognized and acknowledged by others. This helps us to feel part of a group and we all need that for our well-being.  If we feel unrecognized and excluded, we can feel miserable and we can go on to feel stressed. But the recognition and acknowledgement we need can be as simple as a smile or even as little as eye contact alone. The journal of the Association of Psychological Science , Psychological Science , has published a study that demonstrates how important a very simple acknowledgement can be. Eric.D.Wesselmann of Purdue University carried out a study with colleagues at the University. The study tested the effect of very simple eye contact between a research assistant and people on a well-used path on the campus. The research assistant didn't even need to smile to have a notable effect.  Those with whom the assistant made eye contact were questioned afterwards and commented that