Your Happiness Factor

I have a new poem on my Dreaming in Purple and Grey poetry site. It is written in remembrance for the 100 years' anniversary of the First World War armistice.  You can find it at this link . I wanted this poem to sound like a nursery rhyme despite the gruesomeness. For us growing up in the fifties, the First World War was not very far away. My Grandad was a wagonner when the war began. He was called up with his horses. My Mum could remember those horses being dressed in horse ribbons to be paraded through the village before they made their journey to France. Grandad drove a water wagon at the start of the war and a water truck by the end. I don't know what happened to the horses. I know he lost a brother and, I believe, a brother-in-law, on the Somme. All they told us kids about his experiences in the war was about the lack of clean clothing. And,how each night in the trenches, Grandad and the other soldiers would kill the lice in their vests by running a candle flame up the

  When you think about it, it seems strange that so many people use sound to help them sleep. Surely most people prefer silence. But do they? During long periods of silence in sensory deprivation experiments, people have imagined some pretty strange sounds. Being robbed of sensory input doesn’t suit the brain - it needs to fill the silence. The brain just craves sensory input. So, to sleep better, some people listen to white noise machines. Others love the sound of waves or a tropical forest. What about meditating in complete silence? Well, the first challenge is to find somewhere completely quiet. That isn't easy in the modern world. And, the countryside is certainly not quiet. Of course, you have then to sit in silence and quiet the mind. That in itself requires the strongest mental muscles. So, gentle rhythmic sounds or chants can help us meditate more easily.  There is a practice that I love - meditating on sound. To do this, sit quietly with your eyes closed and ta

There are two ways of looking at most things in life. When you face a new challenge, you can think; "Oh no, I'm not going to be able to this. It is something I've never done before. It means I have to learn new skills. And I'm probably going to fail." Or you can think; "Yes, this is a challenge. But I will get the chance to learn more skills. And I'm going to give it my all and do my best to make it a success. You will find lots of advice around about the power of positive thinking and expecting success. There is a lot of research that shows how having a positive approach to life improves health and happiness. Try looking at the Greater Good Science Centre   website for more information.  But, with so many people jumping on a positive thinking bandwagon, it easy sometimes to lose sight of what it is really about. At its simplest and most powerful, it is about seeing half a glass of water as half full and not half empty. How you view

Someone once told me a story. A woman had been living a miserable life. Her husband was a  bully who tried to control her completely. Over the years her creative spirit slowly eroded away. She couldn't see how she would ever be happy. How could she find the confidence to leave and make another life?  One of the few joys in her life, was her cat.  The family lived in small flat in a large city. Husband insisted they kept the cat inside. The cat seems healthy enough but the woman noticed she never purred. Circumstances changed and they moved to a new flat. It was much larger, light and airy. There were two balconies. The woman loved the new place and so, apparently, did the cat. One day the woman heard a new sound - her silent cat had begun to purr. And the purring became a habit. With more freedom, light and fresh air, the cat was much happier. It took the woman a little longer to find her happiness. But one day she met someone who inspired and supported her. That

No one lives a life without unhappiness. We all suffer loss and other forms of change we would not have chosen. Often the change leads to better things. And, sometimes, even with the most positive of attitudes, a loss just hurts. We mourn and then get on with life in changed circumstances,as best we can. But, there is a skill you can learn when things are going well that will help when they are going badly. We can learn to listen to the wise and loving inner voice. For some, this is the voice of God. For others it is the higher self - part of you. Somewhere, beneath the chaos of our minds, it speaks. If we can learn to still the chaos, we can learn to hear the voice. You can learn at any time. But, the easiest time is when things are going well. Your inner friend and counsellor will always be there.  Time to pause and listen. Sit quietly in a gentle place if you can. Take a few quiet breaths. Feel yourself there in the present, just sitting quiet and still. Oh, there is a joy

So here I am on Saturday morning, sitting quietly at my desk and contemplating. Contemplating, not ruminating! The difference between those two words, and the process they describe, is huge. Contemplating means to consider something thoroughly. You take time to think fully or deeply. It helps to do it in your quiet place and to settle your mind before you start. Ruminating means dwelling on something without reaching any real conclusions. You brood on it, turning it over and over in your mind, You agonize and worry and the thoughts run on and on. You just can't let go. But it doesn't actually get you any nearer to a solution. The thoughts run like a ticker tape through your head. Ruminating is often a sign of stress. Stress is a very common experience. Often, I work with clients who feel stressed. Learning how to bring themselves wholly into the present helps them a great deal. In this post I explain what I teach them. Feeling stressed? Learn to be present! C