Your Happiness Factor

(Photo credit: ZORIN DENU ) When You Feel Angry - Anger Management Feeling angry or having someone become angry with you makes you feel unhappy! But anger is a natural feeling and it affects everyone. Anger usually arises because you believe someone has acted against you or something you care about or believe in! It doesn’t have to be real – you just need to believe that it exists! It comes about in three main ways; Someone or some thing gets in the way and stops you achieving a goal or something you care about from happening Someone or some organisation breaks your personal rules. For example, ‘I've worked for them for years and now they want to get rid of me!’ Or, for example, believing that the government or an organisation s behaving unjustly Your self esteemed feels threatened or you feel a lack or respect to you or to a group that you belong to. Mild anger can be expressed as annoyance or irritation. Anger about institutions or injustice c

A Japanese painting from 1750 shows a young man catching his lover reading a love letter from a rival. (Photo credit: Wikipedia ) What to do about jealousy! Jealousy happens between two people when one sees an actual or imagined threat to the relationship posed by someone else. Morbid jealousy – the worst kind - occurs when one partner becomes obsessed with thoughts about the other partner's unfaithfulness but their suspicions are not founded in real fact. Basically, one partner is terrified of losing the other.  Even a conversation the partner has with someone else can be seen as a threat.  One partner becomes desperate that they no longer have exclusive rights to their partner – they feel that their “property” rights are being infringed. Jealousy may be combined with other emotions, for example, anxiety about loss of a loved one and fear of shame or loss of dignity. Jealousy is often accompanied by anger. Often distrust of a partner comes from dist

Many people have trouble managing their anger. This post from Mind is for anyone who wants to learn how to deal with it in a constructive and healthy way Anger is a natural response to feeling attacked, injured or violated. It's part of being human; it's energy seeking expression. Our anger can be our friend. It helps us survive, giving us the strength to fight back or run away when attacked or faced with injustice.  In itself, it's neither good nor bad, but it can be frightening. Angry feelings can lead to destructive and violent behaviour, and so we tend to be frightened of anger. The way we are brought up, and our cultural background, will very much influence how we feel about expressing anger. You may have been punished for expressing it when you were small, or you may have witnessed your parents' or other adults' anger when it was out of control, destructive and terrifying. Or you may have been frightened by the strength of your own bad temp

(Photo credit: kalavinka ) Relationships – Who vacuums in your house? Isn’t it odd?  Most studies find, that although the number of working women continue to rise, it is still women who carry out most of the domestic chores. Now vacuuming, more than most other task, seems to cause most heat and not in a particularly nice way. Yes, men do vacuum but they seem to expect women to be grateful that they do! When you think about it, isn’t that a bit strange?  Yes, if both parties go out to work, it is great that they share tasks.  But why should one partner be more grateful than the other? In the kind of coaching I do (cognitive behavioural coaching) we have a concept of distorted thinking.  One of the most common distortions is around a core belief about “ Should, Musts, Have to's and Oughts”. We grow up with beliefs about other people and how they should behave. When they don’t, we get angry – this could be passive- aggressive anger or outright violence. We usually lear

  E motional intelligence (EQ) helps us interact with, and influence, others. The higher our emotional intelligence, the more like we are to be able to get on with others. In 1996 Daniel Goleman wrote his groundbreaking book " Emotional   Intelligence ". His exhaustive research had shown him that success in all parts of our lives is based more on our ability to handle   emotions   than on our intellectual capability or our physical strength. People with high Emotional Intelligence can understand emotions – their own and other people’s, They can make their emotions and their understanding help them to empathise with others, to understand them and to handle their emotions. For example, they are much less likely to be overwhelmed by someone bursting into tears, People with high EQ are generally open and pleasant to be around.  They tend to pick up and understand those little non-verbal messages we send with body language, posture and tone of voice. In

Be honest, be yourself.  Nothing erodes confidence more than trying to maintain a  facade! It is exhausting and might cost you the relationship when ( not if ) you get caught out! Play it straight.   Talk to each other and don't play games.  Speak up if something is bothering one of you - be kind and listen to each other.  Have confidence.  If you can believe in yourself you have much more chance of having a strong and confident relationship. If you are not confident then seek help - Confidence Coach at this link can help you . Together, layout the ground rules at the start. It is good to agree at the beginning how much time you plan to spend together and how you will make time to be with other friends and family.  Then stick to the agreement - no one should come back with recriminations.    Be gentle and affectionate. This is about being physically at ease with each other - no, I'm not talking about sex.  You should be able to touch each other easily and without f

  Sometimes, even in the best relationship, there comes a time when we want to say something critical.   Not everything can be perfect every time!   Sometimes things go wrong.   And sometimes, in your view, it is down to the other person.   You think it is something they can do something about.   So you want to tell them.   Here are some pointers to giving criticism but proceed with care. And remember, how you sound,  look and behave when you give the feedback often matters as much weight as the words you use.  But the words are important.   Here are the tips. Be sure of the facts !  Try to find out exactly what went wrong and why.  Be constructive! It should be about getting things right in the future not about trying to punish.  Be direct!   Get to the point and give the feedback in a simple, straight forward way. Be clear! Set out what you are criticizing, the change you want to see and why.  Comment on behaviour not the person. If you want to change the pe