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Showing posts with the label feeling shame

What to do when guilt is spoiling your life!

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What to do when guilt is spoiling your life! Recently I wrote about shame and how to deal with it ( Is shame spoiling your life? ). Guilt and shame both come from a sense of having done something considered bad, stupid or wrong. Shame comes from a fear of being disapproved of by others. Guilt comes from disapproving of ourselves – we have broken our own code of values. When we feel guilty, we may try to put things right by confessing and saying sorry. Or we may punish ourselves – for example, in an extreme form, taking an overdose. We may allow others to punish us – putting up with bad treatment, sometimes for years. Or we may anaesthetise ourselves – for example, with drink or or drugs and sometimes over-work. Sometimes guilt is about things we've done and sometimes it is about things we should have done but didn't – for example not making the time to support a friend in trouble. Guilt has a bad reputation in the 21 st Century but it isn

Is shame spoiling your life?

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Is shame spoiling your life? Shame is a hard emotion to deal with. Usually it happens when we start to believe something about ourselves that we think others will criticize. Or it can happen because of the way someone else treats us. Sometimes it combines with guilt about something we've done that offends our values. But it can poison our relationships and erode our confidence. Here are some steps you can take to help to confront and overcome shame.   What is this issue? Spend some time alone, or with someone you trust like a coach, really exploring the cause of your sense of shame. It helps sometimes to write things down. Try to sort out the various strands that contribute to your feeling, It may be very complex so take it right down to its constituent parts. Don't rush it – take the time and space you need to make it clear to yourself. Who is causing you to feel shame? Is it you? Is it the way someone else is behaving? Or is it how you t