Skip to main content

Coping with shyness

Shyness  
Some people welcome new experiences and new people. 


They look forward to any opportunity to socialize. They're often the first to introduce themselves and the first to jump into a new conversation. For others, well, it takes us a little longer to warm up to something new!   
ShySness is an emotion that affects how you feel and behave around others. You might feel uncomfortable, self-conscious, nervous, bashful, timid, or insecure.  Some people blush or feel speechless, shaky, or breathless.   
 People are more likely to feel shy when they're not sure how to act, what will happen, how others will react, or when for some reason all eyes are on them.
People are less likely to feel shy in situations where they know what to expect, feel sure of what to do or say, or are among familiar people. .
About 20% of people have a genetic tendency to be naturally shy. But not everyone with a genetic tendency to be shy develops a shy temperament. Life experiences also play a role. 

When people are faced with a situation that may lead them to feel shy, how they deal with that situation can shape their future reactions to similar situations. If people who are shy approach new things little by little, it can help them become more confident and comfortable. But if they feel pushed into situations they don't feel prepared for, or if they are teased or bullied, it can make them even shyer.  

If the parents of a shy child are overly cautious or overprotective, it can teach the child to back away from situations that might be uncomfortable or unfamiliar.
 
People who are shy may become very good listeners and sensitive to other people's feelings and emotions. This means they may be very highly regarded and valued by others as friends. In some cultures, shy people are perceived as being thoughtful, intelligent and more likely to think before they speak.

If you are shy, here are some tips to help you.

1.    Practice social behaviours like eye contact, confident body language, introductions, small talk, asking questions and making invitations with the people you feel most comfortable around. Smile. Build your confidence. Then gradually extend the circle until you can do this with new friends, too.
2.     Think of conversation openers, like introducing yourself, giving a compliment or asking a question. Being ready with a conversation starter will make it easier to start a conversation with someone new.  
3.    When you have to deal with something uncomfortable like a particular phone call or a conversation, write down what you want to say beforehand. Rehearse it out loud and in front of the mirror if possible. Then go for it.  It doesn’t matter if it isn’t perfect.  It will get easier with practice. 
4.    If self-criticism plays a role for you, ask yourself whether you'd be this critical of your best friend. Chances are you'd be much more accepting. So treat yourself like your own best friend. Be kind - encourage yourself!  
5.    Remember your opinion does countbe a little more assertive and speak up for yourself when there is something you need or want – keep Item 4 above in mind!


Shyness is something that you can work on with a coach or a counsellor.  Don’t be reluctant to find someone to work with you – they will be very happy to give you the support you need.

I’d be delighted to hear from you – what tips do you have for dealing with difficult situations?  How have you coped with being shy? 


I am Wendy Mason and I work as a personal and business coach, consultant and blogger.  I have worked with many different kinds of people going through personal  and career change. If you would like my help, please email me at wendymason@wisewolfconsulting.com or ring ++44(0)2084610114 or ++44(0)7867681439.  I will be very pleased to hear from you. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Friday Recipe - Catalan Fish Stew - Rick Stein

Friday Recipe -  Catalan Fish Stew - Rick Stein This is an everyday Catalan fish soup that is more like a stew and has several variants. Like so many Catalan dishes, it starts with a sofregit of fried garlic and tomato. A hearty Catalan fish soup; a meal in bowl. Catalan fish stew Ingredients 6 tbsp olive oil 1 large Spanish onion, chopped 2 fennel bulbs, chopped 150g/5oz chorizo, diced 1 red chilli, finely chopped 1 tsp fennel seeds, ground 2 cloves new season garlic, crushed ½tsp sweet paprika powder 1 tbsp fresh thyme leaves 1 tsp saffron strands (optional) 3 fresh bay leaves 1 tin plum tomatoes 100ml/3½ fl oz fish stock or water 150ml/5 fl oz white wine 500g/1 lb 2oz mussels, cleaned 650g/1 lb 7 oz firm white fish (bream, pollock, cod, monkfish), filleted, dredged in flour and fried in olive oil 100g/3½ oz toasted almonds, ground To serve 1 lemon, cut into wedges steamed potatoes and spring greens Preparation method

A Lakota Peyote Healing Song by Robbie Robertson

A Lakota Peyote Healing Song by Robbie Robertson YouTube is full of music that claims to be Native American from North America and usually it isn't. It may be quite beautiful music but it is not what it claims to be. And in my view it does not have the same power.  This is authentic, beautiful and powerful Singer, song writer and guitarist Robbie Robertson was born Jaime Robert Klegerman in 1943, in Toronto, Ontario. He was born to a Jewish father and a Mohawk mother and took his stepfather's last name after his mother remarried. He had his earliest exposure to music at Six Nations of the Grand River First Nation , Ontario where he spent summers with his mother's family. He is best known for his membership in The Band. Here is a translation of the words

Something Sacred To Start Your Day - Navajo Early Morning Blessing

Something Sacred To Start Your Day - Navajo Early Morning Blessing "Hooghan" from the album Sacred Mountains by Louie Gonnie courtesy of  Canyon Records  Graphics by Rezboyz Designz Spoken Intro Translation The mountains were put there - in holy way, they told us that that will be our spiritual home.  In the middle of the home will be a fire burning, there will be a door, there will be a fire poker (Sacred to Dine'),  You're thoughts will be good,  You will have plans to make,  Life will be blessed,  There the hope will stay. Singing Translation   The home is there, prayer in the home, pray in the home, in the beauty way with the scared pollen pathway, the home is there, the home is there!