Skip to main content

Finding and Keeping Good Friends

Finding and Keeping Good Friends

 is a Career Coach and Life Coach helping you to solve difficult problems at work and at home.

Finding and keeping good friends has two parts to it
  1. What draws us to people
  2. What seals the friendship

What draws us to someone?

We meet lots of people in life but for most us very few become frends. These seem to be the things that draw into becoming friend with people.

Shared interests and values

We usually need to find we have something in common with people in order to become friend. This is usually in terms of the kinds of things we enjoy doing and what we believe to be important in life. If I am very interested in sports and you are very interested in, say, looking at paintings, then we may struggle even  to start a conversation that holds our interest. Likewise, if we believe completely different thing about what is important. Of course, our tastes may change over time and after the friendship is formed.

Shared history 

Nothing ties people together like going through some kind of challenging experience, particularly if this is over a long period of time. Of course, we need to find more than that if the friendship itself is to be long-standing.

Mutual support

We need to have some sense that we are supporting each other. We each receive and give benefits to the other. One supports the other through difficult times. But if one is giving all the time and not getting back, then that is not true friendship and eventually most of us feel resentment and give up.  

What seals the friendship?

Putting your interests ahead of their comfort

A real friend tells you the truth when you need to hear it, even when it is an uncomfortable truth. They will tell you when they think you are about to make a fool of yourself or if they think, for example, you are drinking too much. A friend is someone who can tell you are wrong and you still care about them – not immediately necessarily but certainly after you've had time to think.


Friends are consistent in their care and their availability. Provided they are fit, not dealing some huge problem or on their honeymoon, you don’t have to stop and think about calling them up to discuss something that is really worrying you.

Respect for your values

A good friend will recognize what is important to you even though they may not agree with you on every point. They won't ask you to go against a deeply held value for the sake of your friendship. And your not going against your values, will not compromise the friendship.

I hope you have good friends in your life. If you do, then value them highly, one day you may come to believe they are more precious than gold.

Wendy Mason  is a Career Coach and Life Coach helping you to solve difficult problems at work and at home


Popular posts from this blog

Friday Recipe - Catalan Fish Stew - Rick Stein

Friday Recipe -  Catalan Fish Stew - Rick Stein This is an everyday Catalan fish soup that is more like a stew and has several variants. Like so many Catalan dishes, it starts with a sofregit of fried garlic and tomato. A hearty Catalan fish soup; a meal in bowl. Catalan fish stew Ingredients 6 tbsp olive oil 1 large Spanish onion, chopped 2 fennel bulbs, chopped 150g/5oz chorizo, diced 1 red chilli, finely chopped 1 tsp fennel seeds, ground 2 cloves new season garlic, crushed ½tsp sweet paprika powder 1 tbsp fresh thyme leaves 1 tsp saffron strands (optional) 3 fresh bay leaves 1 tin plum tomatoes 100ml/3½ fl oz fish stock or water 150ml/5 fl oz white wine 500g/1 lb 2oz mussels, cleaned 650g/1 lb 7 oz firm white fish (bream, pollock, cod, monkfish), filleted, dredged in flour and fried in olive oil 100g/3½ oz toasted almonds, ground To serve 1 lemon, cut into wedges steamed potatoes and spring greens Preparation method

A Lakota Peyote Healing Song by Robbie Robertson

A Lakota Peyote Healing Song by Robbie Robertson YouTube is full of music that claims to be Native American from North America and usually it isn't. It may be quite beautiful music but it is not what it claims to be. And in my view it does not have the same power.  This is authentic, beautiful and powerful Singer, song writer and guitarist Robbie Robertson was born Jaime Robert Klegerman in 1943, in Toronto, Ontario. He was born to a Jewish father and a Mohawk mother and took his stepfather's last name after his mother remarried. He had his earliest exposure to music at Six Nations of the Grand River First Nation , Ontario where he spent summers with his mother's family. He is best known for his membership in The Band. Here is a translation of the words

Something Sacred To Start Your Day - Navajo Early Morning Blessing

Something Sacred To Start Your Day - Navajo Early Morning Blessing "Hooghan" from the album Sacred Mountains by Louie Gonnie courtesy of  Canyon Records  Graphics by Rezboyz Designz Spoken Intro Translation The mountains were put there - in holy way, they told us that that will be our spiritual home.  In the middle of the home will be a fire burning, there will be a door, there will be a fire poker (Sacred to Dine'),  You're thoughts will be good,  You will have plans to make,  Life will be blessed,  There the hope will stay. Singing Translation   The home is there, prayer in the home, pray in the home, in the beauty way with the scared pollen pathway, the home is there, the home is there!