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When friendships end!

When friendships end!

If we are lucky in life we get to meet many people and make some good friends. We can make friends throughout life. And some we carry with us through our life.  Lots of people are still friends with people they met as children.

But sometimes friendships come to an end. 

This may happen quite naturally and by some kind of unspoken agreement. You just seem to realise you have nothing in common any more – life has moved on and what was a friendship becomes an acquaintanceship with some happy memories and the annual Christmas card.

At other times the break up is rather more traumatic with angry words, accusations and on-going bad feelings. It has some elements in common with a broken love affair but it can be lot more messy. With a broken love affair someone usually makes it quite clear that this is the end. That may be painful but at least you can mourn the loss and then get on with the rest of your life. 

It is not wise to end a friendship in anger. Much better to withdraw gently and with grace, letting the other person keep their pride intact and with both of you being grateful for what you have shared.

If you feel you no longer wish to be friends with someone, be honest with yourself about why. Reflect on why you were friends in the first place and what has changed. 

Is there some healing you need to do or some words you need to say? Should you give the other person a chance to put something right?

If not, and you still wish to move on, then take a step back. Don’t agree to meet up with them just because you feel guilty. Take time responding to messages and when you do respond  be brief. Don't seek them out or expect the friend you want to lose to listen to your problems. 

It won’t take long for most people to get the message that your chilliness is sending. But you do need to be prepared to deal with questions and to explain that you no longer feel you have much in common, although you are grateful for what you have shared in the past.

But be very, very careful .The older you get, the more you value friendship, so be prepared to regret those you lost on the way!


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