Skip to main content

How not to lose your temper!

How not to lose your temper!

There are times when you are more likely to lose your temper.
  • You are more likely to feel wound-up when you have too much to do and too little energy with which to do it. Add to a busy agenda, already feeling tired when you woke up in the morning and you are all set for anger.
  • Often, really, we are annoyed with someone else or about something other than the immediate “provocation.” Unfortunately, the person around us at the time is the most accessible target for displaced anger.
  • Sometimes, we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves, the team or our family and friends. What we plan doesn’t take into account the unpredictability of life in general and we blame others for their inability to fulfill our unrealistic goals.
  • Often frustration is of our own making because we failed to be honest with ourselves or to put in the extra effort it took to plan properly.
Once you begin to feel frustrated, it is all too easy to slide into thinking it must be someone else’s fault; “they’re out to get me”. Once you start to think this way, it is all too easy to find things that seem to confirm our distorted perspective.
Losing your temper doesn’t make you feel better. Talk about anger being cathartic is misguided and sometimes down-right dangerous. Anger feeds anger. And afterwards you usually feel guilty and embarrassed as well as concerned for those you may have hurt. The waste is of energy that would be better spent solving the problem.
So what can you do?
Here are some suggestions for helping you to control your temper.
  • Get the rest you need. It is often tempting when you feel under pressure, to work very long hours or to take work home. Done for a long period this can have a hugely negative effect on both your state of mind and your performance. Make sure you get adequate rest and relaxation if you want to continue to perform at your best and avoid anger
  • Find, and face, the real cause of your anger. Ask yourself what is really going on. If you can’t deal with the issue immediately, start to plan and take steps to reduce the tension. Be honest with yourself and seek outside help or advice if you need it.
  • Be realistic in your plans and expectations of yourself and other people. Face reality and make contingency plans in case things go wrong. Allow enough time and resources to do the job properly. If you do decide to cut corners, be honest about the risks you are taking.
  • Plan for things carefully and always think what could be the worst case scenario. Time spent planning saves time spent putting things right.
  • Accept that those around you are no more perfect than you are. They will sometimes make mistakes. That doesn’t mean they are bad people or that they don’t want to do their best to help you. Accept them for what they are and do your best to help them do better next time.
  • Learn to take time out. When you feel yourself beginning to get wound-up, learn to have the grace to walk away and calm down. Take a few minutes out, preferably in the fresh air. Go for a short walk or sit quietly and slow your breathing. You could use the calming technique I described here last week. You can find it at this link. When you feel calmer make plans for handling the situation before you return to it.
If you would like to discuss how to handle your anger better, get in touch.
Wendy Smith is a personal coach and writer at Wisewolf Coaching. She is a qualified coach and a member of the Association for Coaching as well as being a member of the Institute of Consulting and a graduate of the Common Purpose leadership programme.  Wendy is author of “The WiseWolf Job Search Pocket Book: How to Win Jobs and Influence Recruiters” as well as two novels and a number of articles on management and well-being. Her latest publication is a little eBook; “How to Get on With the Boss.”  You can contact Wendy at


Popular posts from this blog

Friday Recipe - Catalan Fish Stew - Rick Stein

Friday Recipe -  Catalan Fish Stew - Rick Stein This is an everyday Catalan fish soup that is more like a stew and has several variants. Like so many Catalan dishes, it starts with a sofregit of fried garlic and tomato. A hearty Catalan fish soup; a meal in bowl. Catalan fish stew Ingredients 6 tbsp olive oil 1 large Spanish onion, chopped 2 fennel bulbs, chopped 150g/5oz chorizo, diced 1 red chilli, finely chopped 1 tsp fennel seeds, ground 2 cloves new season garlic, crushed ½tsp sweet paprika powder 1 tbsp fresh thyme leaves 1 tsp saffron strands (optional) 3 fresh bay leaves 1 tin plum tomatoes 100ml/3½ fl oz fish stock or water 150ml/5 fl oz white wine 500g/1 lb 2oz mussels, cleaned 650g/1 lb 7 oz firm white fish (bream, pollock, cod, monkfish), filleted, dredged in flour and fried in olive oil 100g/3½ oz toasted almonds, ground To serve 1 lemon, cut into wedges steamed potatoes and spring greens Preparation method

A Lakota Peyote Healing Song by Robbie Robertson

A Lakota Peyote Healing Song by Robbie Robertson YouTube is full of music that claims to be Native American from North America and usually it isn't. It may be quite beautiful music but it is not what it claims to be. And in my view it does not have the same power.  This is authentic, beautiful and powerful Singer, song writer and guitarist Robbie Robertson was born Jaime Robert Klegerman in 1943, in Toronto, Ontario. He was born to a Jewish father and a Mohawk mother and took his stepfather's last name after his mother remarried. He had his earliest exposure to music at Six Nations of the Grand River First Nation , Ontario where he spent summers with his mother's family. He is best known for his membership in The Band. Here is a translation of the words

Something Sacred To Start Your Day - Navajo Early Morning Blessing

Something Sacred To Start Your Day - Navajo Early Morning Blessing ly Morning Blessing "Hooghan" from the album Sacred Mountains by Louie Gonnie courtesy Canyon Records ( Graphics by Rezboyz Designz Translation "The mountains were put there - in holy way, they told us that that will be our spiritual home.  In the middle of the home will be a fire burning, there will be a door, there will be a fire poker (Sacred to Dine'),  You're thoughts will be good,  You will have plans to make,  Life will be blessed,  There the hope will stay." Singing Translation   The home is there, prayer in the home, pray in the home, in the beauty way with the scared pollen pathway, the home is there, the home is there!