Your Happiness Factor

Image by Getty Images via @daylife If you are looking for work, one of the biggest obstacles can be your lack of confidence. A large part of confidence comes from what we believe about ourselves. And if you already lack confidence, losing a job can be shattering.  You can find a very honest discussion of how it can feel at this link . If, in your heart, you really don’t believe that you have the skills, knowledge and experience to do the job then it is going to be hard for you to convince an employer. But are you sure your fears are well founded? As well as that, you need to believe that you will have the communication and presentation skills necessary to get through an interview. Well, I can help you there.  So what do you do? Believing in your gifts At this link you will find some information about writing STAR stories. The STAR method means that for each signifcant achievement in your working life you set out the; ·          S  – Situation, the backg

Image via Wikipedia Body language has a major part to play in how we communicate with others. People form a very quick first impression of us based on appearance and body language - the way we walk, smile, sit and stand. When we communicate,  this body language plays a major role – greater than the words we use or the tone of voice that we adopt. Once we understand the role that body language plays we can learn to shape the way that others see us.  Body language can help us project a confident image.  Being aware of our body language and knowing that we are projecting a confident image help us to feel more confident!  This supports us in dealing with others as our confidence grows. An understanding of body language allows us to communicate more effectively.  This is because with the right body language we can reinforce the message we wish to convey.   But also it helps us to understand much better the real meaning and emotions of people - those wit

Image via Wikipedia Confidence is learned!  From the day we are born our family, friends and the environment contribute to the development of our confidence.  But they can also contribute to our lack of confidence.  Day by day throughout our lives, we receive a barrage of messages.  This can encourage or erode our ability to develop confidence. Most parents want only the very best for their children. But if they, themselves, do not have the right skills how could they know how to encourage confidence in their child. If our parents lack confidence, we may become shy and lacking in confidence.  If parents are cold and distant we may grow up lacking confidence.  Or perhaps they found it difficult to praise or they were constantly criticizing that in turn can lead us to have a poor self image. With brothers and sisters, other family members and teachers, if we feel or are treated as different, or we find it difficult to fit in, lack of confidence may result.

  Sometimes, even in the best relationship, there comes a time when we want to say something critical.   Not everything can be perfect every time!   Sometimes things go wrong.   And sometimes, in your view, it is down to the other person.   You think it is something they can do something about.   So you want to tell them.   Here are some pointers to giving criticism but proceed with care. And remember, how you sound,  look and behave when you give the feedback often matters as much weight as the words you use.  But the words are important.   Here are the tips. Be sure of the facts !  Try to find out exactly what went wrong and why.  Be constructive! It should be about getting things right in the future not about trying to punish.  Be direct!   Get to the point and give the feedback in a simple, straight forward way. Be clear! Set out what you are criticizing, the change you want to see and why.  Comment on behaviour not the person. If you want to change the pe

Are you one of those rare (and very lucky ) people who enjoys networking?   Or are you like many others?   Do you arrive at a networking event, look around at the sea of faces, then find yourself barraged by a stream of doubts and uncertainties. Negative self talk tells you that you’re a fraud, everyone else in the room is just great.  There they are experienced business professionals at home in this environment.  While you are just pretending, you don’t really know what you are doing! And on top of you’re going to forget your speech, you won’t remember anyone else’s name and there is a very good chance you will forget your own! The “sensible” part of you tells you not to be so silly.  But there you are with these negative thoughts and anxieties in your head.  Relax and take a deep breath, then tell your brain it has more important things to think about!  No, you are not going to have a heart attack as you take the floor.  You’ve got this unde

" Don’t change – stay right where you are"! Nobody said change was easy.  Change is hard It is uncomfortable and risky.  That is why most of us don’t change until change is forced on us.  We don’t change; even when making a change could make a huge and positive difference for us and those about us.  Most of us have a mindset that favours staying put right where we are – a “fixed” mindset. And fixed mindsets lack resilience.  Standing still and staying where we are, can present far more danger and risk in the long term than making a change. Changing that mindset So how do you develop a resilient mindset? You need to learn to challenge your own thinking.  Your fixed mindset will chatter away in your head, if you let it.   It will fill your head with negativity and erode your confidence.  That nasty fixed mindset will tell you that even if you wanted to change, you can’t do it!   You’re not bright enough! You're not strong enough!  You don’t hav

Image via Wikipedia Coping with life’s problems successfully needs you to have realistic expectations. Psychologists call these expectations, and the judgements you make based on them, ‘appraisals’.  Things that happen to us aren’t a problem unless we judge them to be. Life is never perfect and problems, are a part of normal, everyday life. If our judgements (appraisals) are realistic, we’re much better able to deal with them and not let them throw us off-balance. The appraisals we make come from our belief system. If we hold unrealistic beliefs, then our judgements may not be the best for the situation. Sometimes we have unrealistic beliefs about what we must or should do.  We want to be “perfect”.  “Everyone must like me “or “I’ve got to be good at everything” for example. If you think about these for a minute, they are irrational beliefs. Who do you know who could really achieve them? Another approach! When you are