A Japanese painting from 1750 shows a young man catching his lover reading a love letter from a rival. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
What to do about jealousy!
Jealousy happens between two people when one sees an actual or imagined threat to the relationship posed by someone else.
Morbid jealousy – the worst kind - occurs when one partner becomes obsessed with thoughts about the other partner's unfaithfulness but their suspicions are not founded in real fact. Basically, one partner is terrified of losing the other.
Even a conversation the partner has with someone else can be seen as a threat.
One partner becomes desperate that they no longer have exclusive rights to their partner – they feel that their “property” rights are being infringed. Jealousy may be combined with other emotions, for example, anxiety about loss of a loved one and fear of shame or loss of dignity. Jealousy is often accompanied by anger.
Often distrust of a partner comes from distrust of ourselves. How will we cope with potential rivals when we are so inferior?
When we are morbidly jealous we may seek constant reassurance from a partner. We may check for signs of infidelity – reading their texts and checking their pockets. We may try to control the partner's movements and restrict their activities. We may make constant accusations. Of course the result of all this is often that we drive away the person we claim to love so much.
Morbid jealousy is an illness and if you recognize the symptoms in yourself, seek support from a coach or counselor. If you believe your partner is morbidly jealous again seek support, the situation isn't likely simply to resolve itself.
In mild jealousy you may feel a threat exists to your relationship but you use this threat as a call to action. You can discuss the issues with your partner and find remedies together. You may recognize that they are attractive to others but trust and respect that they will not act on that attraction.
If they are unfaithful, you have choice. You can stay in the relationship but make quite clear what you expect and how you will react if there is a relapse.
If you are rejected by a partner, you do not have to reject yourself on the basis of their judgement. You have a choice about future relationships because you know you are worthy of love. If you work on maintaining your confidence and self esteem the feelings that might lead to morbid jealousy will not be transferred in a healthy new and rewarding relationship with someone more worthy of you!
If you need the support of a coach in dealing with your feelings of jealousy and would like to work on your confidence and self esteem, please get in touch, My email address is below.
Wendy Mason is a Life and Career Coach. She helps people have the confidence they need to be successful at work and to change career while maintaining a good work/life balance. You can email her at wendymason @wisewolfcoaching.com